Saturday, March 7, 2009
one week of not smoking. one week of not drinking but that isn't the problem anymore. i need a cigarette and i hate cigarettes. something is weird. tom is in israel, i'm jealous but he needs it. the weather outside is beautiful, i took a long drive by myself with the windows down. it felt good. i was relaxed. i'm happy and i don't think a tiny little white circle can do that for me. the weather needs to stay 70 degrees, this is what makes me 'normal'; this is what makes me feel 'right.' i want to sit on the grass barefoot and feel the warm breeze on my collarbone and have it whisper through the strands of my hair. i cannot wait for this summer, i cannot wait to share memories with new people and just be able to see my best friends everyday and all that comes out of my mouth is laughter, not hate, not tears, just the simple sound of optimism. i want a cigarette.
