need to go on a diet.

new.

Bread

To see bread in your dream, represents the basic needs of life. Bread may signify the positive qualities and great things you have learned on your journey of life. Alternatively, it suggests that you need to rise above the situation or rise for the occasion.

Cardinal

To see a cardinal in your dream, represents vitality and happiness. It also may mean first place or your position in the front.

Snow

To see snow in your dream, signifies your inhibitions, repressed/unexpressed emotions and feelings of frigidity. You need to release and express these emotions and inhibitions. You may also be feeling indifferent, alone and neglected.

To dream that you are watching the snow fall, represents a clean start and a fresh, new perspective. It is indicative of spiritual peace and tranquility.

Window

To see windows in your dream, signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight. To dream that you are looking out the window, signifies your outlook on life, your consciousness, point of view, awareness, and intuition. You may be reflecting on a decision and seeking guidance. Or you need to go out into the larger world and experience life. If you are looking in the window, then it indicates that you are doing some soul searching and looking within yourself. To see shut windows in your dream, signifies desertion and abandonment.

Square

To see a square in your dream, denotes your need for more stability. It may also represent strength and solidity. Alternatively, you may be feeling limited in wanting to express yourself.

i need to get my life back on track. i wrote a scary entry about death and dying, after i read it a few hours later i scared myself. who or what am i turning into? i need to get another job and make money, i need to focus on school and keep shooting. i need to FOCUS. i need to keep my head up and not give up. i can do this. fuck everyone. fuck everyone!!!!!!! i'm better than all of that. im fucking better and i know who i am. i need to get new glasses to see. i need to get new clothes. i need to eat even more healthier. i can't keep starving myself. i can't keep feeling like this. i need to start smoking weed again, how could i ever think something so natural could've fucked my life up. it's better than taking stupid man-made chemical balanced PILLS. fake FAKE FAKE. this world is fucked up. we are all so very fucked up. MIND control and i need to fucking meditate.

fox

alternatively, to see a fox in your dream represents a period of isolation and loneliness.

Pool

To see a pool of water in your dream, indicates that you need to understand and deal with your emotions. You need to dive right in. Alternatively, a pool may indicate your need for cleansing. You need to wash away the past.

Swimming

To dream that you are swimming, suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious mind and emotions. The dream may be a sign that you are seeking some sort of emotional support. It is a common dream image for people going through therapy. To dream that you are swimming underwater, suggests that you are completely submerged in your own feelings. You are forcing yourself to deal with your emotional difficulties.

Yard Sale:

To hold or be at a yard sale in your dream, indicates that you are recycling past experiences and finding use for your old skills and ideas. You are learning from your past and making productive use of the lessons you have learned.

are we causing any harm, officer?

To dream that you are dusting, symbolizes that you are clearing out all your past mistakes and starting fresh on a new slate.

To dream of opium, foretells that strangers will obstruct your chances of improving your fortunes, by sly and seductive means.

To see an attic in your dream, represents hidden memories or repressed thoughts that is being revealed. It also symbolize your mind, spirituality, and your connection to the higher Self. Alternatively, it signifies difficulties in your life that will hinder you from attaining your goals and aspirations. However, in the end, after a long period of struggle, you will overcome them.

To see a cluttered attic, is a sign to organize your mind and thoughts. Perhaps you need to rid yourself of the past and let go of the past emotions that are holding you back.

i was in a cave waiting for my train. there was a huge, intricately designed spiderweb i could only see if i stood in a certain spot, just so the light coming in from crevices could hit it. i tried to walk around it and the end of the web caught my hair. i kept running my hands through my hair and pulling the web out. i asked a man to get the spiders and bugs out of my hair. a huge, black spider, crawled across ground..

being human.

things have changed.

i'm so angry. i can't feel like this anymore. things needs to change. things need to fucking change.

it's the llagerbomb that did it. there is always that one person who reminds you of that other person, always. we're all the same.

this is how it is right now.

i haven't had this much fun in awhile...

but i do miss a lot of things, and i wish i could just RELAX and enjoy myself like this more often. 

i don't think life can get any better. making amends, learning lessons, and just forgiveness in general is all what a human needs to survive. weights have been lifted from my shoulders and i feel like i'm 'normal.' almost. and this, "this" is growing up.

motherfucker.

i can't write the words--but i'm glad tonight happened. 

as much as i don't want to see half the people who are still stuck in this town, it's actually kind-of nice seeing them. it makes me not want to grow up, and want to relive the past? right? i want to be young again. of course i am still young, but its not the same. you can't relive or recreate the moments that have left an impact on you, that changed you, that made you happy, happy moments, it's impossible. those feelings that those moments gave you are gone, you had to enjoy them then. it's such an amazing feeling though, right? like, a feeling that changes with every awesome moment you've had or will have, it's not the same but it's THAT feeling. every recreation is an attempt and never succeeds. every moment is different. it's beautiful yet depressing, but the beauty of it definitely prevails.

what is reality? is it--was it ever possible to determine 'real-ness' from 'fake-ness'

i hate drinking, i feel fat. i can't sleep, i feel sick. parties are boring and dumb, why? when did this happen? why am i like this?

what happens when you're bored with life?

i left my entire portfolio, two years worth of work, in the trunk of a taxi. 

where is my birth control? 

i'm going to cry i have so much work to do.

i love my job and i forgot how fun it was to work with little gremlins.

you are clean, i am dirt. you are clean and i am dirt.

change never ceases to amaze me, in a person-al sort of way. 

i hate smelling like a cigarette before i go to sleep.

tom comes back today!

one week of not smoking. one week of not drinking but that isn't the problem anymore. i need a cigarette and i hate cigarettes. something is weird. tom is in israel, i'm jealous but he needs it. the weather outside is beautiful, i took a long drive by myself with the windows down. it felt good. i was relaxed. i'm happy and i don't think a tiny little white circle can do that for me. the weather needs to stay 70 degrees, this is what makes me 'normal'; this is what makes me feel 'right.' i want to sit on the grass barefoot and feel the warm breeze on my collarbone and have it whisper through the strands of my hair. i cannot wait for this summer, i cannot wait to share memories with new people and just be able to see my best friends everyday and all that comes out of my mouth is laughter, not hate, not tears, just the simple sound of optimism. i want a cigarette.

honestly what's the competition, why?

false words,

counterfeits..

sincerity.

nine to five

living lies

everyday

stealing time.

words cannot describe how wonderful my week has been. i truly have the greatest friends in the entire world, people that care for me, people that surround me with love, it's probably one of the most awesome realizations anyone can come to.  this week; this weekend was just what i needed. and i'll conclude it at that.

happy birthday to me.

i feel sick.

whenever another talks, it makes me HATE the human brain and the human mouth twenty times more than i originally did. do me a favor and just shut the fuck up.

i don't know.

ouuuu my feet are aching.

i don't have fun anymore. i don't know if it's growing up or if i'm growing down. i'm tired. i'm tired of the winter. honestly. i don't think i have hate for anything more than i have hate for the winter. my life is so repetitive, it has been repetitive. i'm not happy anywhere. everywhere is the same. except when i leave.

tom and i made chocolate covered strawberries. mmm. & i can't wait until the weather gets warmer...

alaska doesn't seem so bad..

my boyfriend is the biggest sweetheart in the entire world.